Beast Fiend. Chapter 27.

The crowd is confused. What happened? The king was winning, he was about to completely destroy the Fiend, to gain power and rip out Fiend’s heart. Right before them, he drunk the life-blood of the Prime Val Matriarch, the girl who is now their Queen. And he turned! The power he displayed was overwhelming, sure his form was less appealing then people imagined it would be, but it was there. Their royal leader gained such impressive power!

But now, he is low to the ground, slowly and methodically consuming corpses of his three loyal subjects. He slaughtered them without remorse. He bites the flesh, ripping it and tearing it from the bones. He cracks open the heads of what used to be guards, savoring the pinkish brain inside. He takes pleasure in licking the blood and in sucking the bones dry of marrow.

His new form clearly shows his inner madness. Whatever happened to him, it changed him irreversibly. His skin cracks in places, letting ominous dark purple blood to seep out of the wounds and cover the muddy-looking fur. His eyes are locked on the meat in front of him, hunger and bloodlust clearly visible to everyone.

People are speechless, clearly not expecting the outcome. How could their king, the man who banished the Fiend, the man who stopped the turmoil that plagued their kingdom and who expelled the bandits and slavers to fall to madness? Wasn’t he all powerful and wise? He just beat the Fiend into submission, with his own bare hands. What happened?

Even the wild Val people are all confused. The elders and the Warlord all look at the spectacle wide-eyed and terrified. This has not happened when Zern went through with his trial. His form was beautiful. It was wild, monstrous, feral, but undeniably it was beautiful! And this… this thing before them was horrendous, an abomination, a true description of Fiend.

Only six pairs of eyes look in the different direction from the rest, clearly knowing full well what would have happened. They look at a different transformation, more beautiful and truly royal.

The fiend has almost finished eating, when it stops, swinging its head around. It smells something pleasant. Something very sweet with a hint of an unknown substance, but very appealing. Looking around, it locks onto a girl, restrained to the ground, minimal clothes covering her body and blood dripping from her face. On her shoulder, there are faint bitemarks and some blood, dripping down from healed wound. The wound is mostly covered by the girls hair, beautiful brown and green strands flowing down below her shoulders. The smell can only be known from somebody from beyond, a smell of cinnamon.

The fiend is excited. Such a sweet aroma is alluring, enticing it to get some of it. The saliva starts to drip from its maw, showing the hunger it feels. It hasn’t felt anything like this in it’s short life, only some echo of a memory from its previous life can compare to it.

Abandoning the half-eaten carcass, the fiend stands up, stretches its limbs, crouches low on the ground, ready to strike and after a short delay, pounces towards the helpless girl. Its prey shows no fear, clearly distracted by something else.

In midair, the brown fiend is struck by something, sending it down into the ground, creating a sizable crater. At the edge of the crator, stands another being, similar but entirely different. In its eyes bloodlust can be seen, but not the mad, wild and unrestrained bloodlust of a beast, but a different one, more controlled, deeper, concentrated and intelligent. The new beast is cold and calculating.

When the “king” rises from the ground, it sees the challenger. Not wishing to wait, it lunges towards the opponent, hoping to tear into its flesh, only to be violently sent into the ground, face first, with a single strike. As it is dazed, the opponent puts his hand on the mane, forcefully raising it and dragging the heavy fiend with it. The newcomer raises the royal fiend high enough to make them level, face to face.

The difference can be seen clearly. One fiend is slightly larger than when it used to be human, its flesh twisted and cracked, its form ugly and vile. The muscles bulging, making it look weird, but even with those muscles, it is weak.

The one holding it is different, the form magnificent and luxurious, a true display of royalty. The short fur covering most of the body is beautiful sandy color, with golden gleam to it. The mane is magnificent shiny brown color, each hair unbound and wild, yet together all of them magnificent. A true Lion, standing two heads higher than the abomination. A beast forged in the image of the Queen that gave her blood. They match one another, having the same royal aura, same lustrous hair, same proud demeanor. This is a true royal beast, its form slimmer yet more powerful. It is my form.

Effortlessly, I pick up the foolish dirt bag and beat it. In my right hand I still hold the sword, previously used to threaten my beloved, now used to beat some pain into the ugly fucker who did the threatening. Using the pummel of the sword, I beat and beat the fiend, making a satisfying cracking sound whether it lands. The abomination won’t die any time soon, not from such measly wounds. I will have to make them worse.

I carry the dazed beast, its daze prolonged by a few direct hits to its face, towards a brazier at the end of the arena. Pushing it face first into the hot burning coals, I hold it there, until its fur sets on fire. My hairs are not even singed by the heat. I let go of the fiend, allowing it to squeal and squirm on the ground, putting out the fire.

When the fire stops, the ill-looking mane is gone almost completely, revealing scarred tissue underneath. The fiend is in pain, it looks around wildly, visibly angry at me. When it sees me it rushes towards me, seemingly fast for normal humans, but pathetically slow for me. My power now returning, the lion beast and the potion both working their magic. I don’t hesitate and swing the sword in my right hand, using one of the runes to unleash the power within. Whatever comes out can’t be compared to a weak swing of a human.

A wave of brilliant, bright light comes out and comes towards the black fiend, rushing towards me. It happened so fast, it doesn’t react until its arm and part of its foot are gone, separated from the body. The light wave is angled slightly downwards, so it carries on digging into the ground until it hits the edge of the arena. It carries on through the solid rock, but thankfully hits nobody, as arena is much lower than the seats surrounding it.

Loosing balance, the aberration falls down, its blood spraying all over. I decide to not let it bleed out and loose its power, so I take take it to the brazier once again, to burn the wounds closed. At this point I am just toying with it.

It struggles against me, trying to grab my arm. The shield from the sword is protecting me, strong enough to repel the pathetic attempts by the fiend. I feel the power within the sword and with a thought I disable the shield, letting its claws reach me. Naturally it can’t penetrate my skin. I just look at struggle and snicker at the weak monster. Is this what was supposed to fight me? Is THIS what was supposed to kill me and take my fated? It’s a fucking joke.

Just like that, I slowly torture the pathetic creature, cutting the strips of flesh off of it. The sword in incredibly sharp, easily separating the muscles and the bones, allowing me to effortlessly butcher the poor sod.

At some point, the queen and her escort of two makes her way down and towards me. The public gasps, as they see the queen enter the arena with the dangerous beasts. She walks casually, not bothered by the gore, carrying the sheath for the blade which is in my hands. She approaches me without fear, reaches out for me and doesn’t even flinch when I growl at her. She knows I must be furious at her, but she also knows I would never harm her.

“Dear, it is enough. End the poor thing already, it had suffered plenty.”

She extend the sheath towards me, prompting me to put the blade away. I swing it once, sending a spray of blood everywhere, even reaching some of the audience. From a single swing it is once more pristine, glowing radiantly. I slide it into its rightful place and turn towards the monster.

By this time, the fiend had lost its limbs and its tail, only a torso and a head remaining. I don’t want to end its suffering just yet, so I decide to make my final act as gruesome as can be. I pick it up and turn its back towards me. With a swift motion, I dig my claws into the back of its neck, reaching deep until I grasp the spine of the monster. Slowly, I slide it out, making sure it feels as much as it can. With its monstrous vitality, the fiend stayed conscious until about half way, at which point I yanked the spine, separating it and the head from the body. Then I drop the two pieces on the ground, showing how little I think of them.

Eleanor then leads me towards the middle, where she gives the sheath to Lilith and takes a dagger from Leah. She slashes her wrist and extends it to me. I am still in my beast form, so this is somewhat pointless, but I play along, kneeling low and taking the bloody wrist with my hands and putting it into my mouth. Once again I feel the fruity taste and smell. The same smell that saved me and the girls.

With that, my Rite is complete, I become the guardian of Val’Halla tribe and of Eleanor.

“Before you now is my guardian and the guardian of the Val’Halla tribe, as well as your future king!”

This statement sends preciously silent audience in shock.

“Frez, from now on you are the supreme Warlord of the Val tribes. Arrest those people and lead them into dungeons.” Eleanor waves her hands towards my father and the elders. Then she turns towards the girls beside her. “You know what to do.”

With those words, Lilith is surrounded by shadows and then she disappears, while Leah simply shimmers out of existence. It must have really been their plan all along. I use this opportunity to free the three girls who were in danger the whole time. They are happy, crying about the end of their confinement and are happy to see me.

The audience is still slightly flabbergasted, only those being led away are trying to protest and are silenced with a few whacks. Frez waited long enough for this. The guards don’t question the orders given by the queen.

With the girls free we are led to the royal balcony. The crowd now starts to murmur, talks about me and about queen’s words finally reaching everybody. A few yells and questions can be heard, nobles are mostly unhappy. Eleanor still in the arena, now alone, decides to speak.

“Today, the people of the kingdom Kernun, the citizens of the the capital city Vieldon, my subjects have witnessed a birth and death of a true fiend. Your previous king was overcome by the power that is in my blood, he turned into a mindless beast who wanted nothing more than to kill and consume. The king was gone the moment his lips touched my blood. That is where his lust for power led him.”

People whisper to one another. They are confused, but they all saw what happened. Whatever the Queen says can’t be denied, the king truly turned into a monster.

“As of the moment the rite of passage was completed, I was the Queen and until death would separate us, we were as one. Granted, that lasted only few minutes, but now I am your Queen. The royal family is dead, there is only one person who could lay claim to the throne.”

At that moment Leah appears, with a bruised and beaten woman in tow. Her hands had calluses causes by having shackles on for too long. She looks weak and malnourished.

“Before you is the previous Queen, Margaret Kernun, wife of Siegfried Kernun and aunt of Robert Kernun, your king. She could be eligible for the throne, except she was the one who killed the previous king.” Eleanor turns from the crowd, now talking loudly, and towards the frail woman. “Please, Margaret, tell us why you did it.”

The woman tried to stand strong, still remembering her days as the queen, but is unsuccessful, as she is too weak From confinement. Still, she speaks.

“I was made to do it by my nephew Robert. He had kidnapped my children and threatened me. He said that if I wouldn’t comply, he… He…”

Then the woman breaks down crying. She couldn’t say much at all. Her tears show her grief, making it obvious what happened.

“King Robert enticed his own aunt to poison her husband. He used her two children for his purpose. Then, when he took the throne temporary, until the young prince would mature, he locked up the queen in royal dungeon. Ever since than, she had been tortured, raped and beaten. That is the royal treatment she got from your king.”

The crowd now once again silent, listening to Eleanor about the acts of their king. They all knew full well that after his coronation, the prince disappeared from the castle. It was announced that he went abroad, with his family to study and to grieve for his father in peace.

“Do you know what happened to the rightful heir? Two months after the coronation, there was an execution of the twelve-year old girl, a burning at the stake for the crime of witchcraft. This claim was ridiculous, as neither witchcraft ever constituted a crime, nor was there any proof. The royal princess was burned right at the central square, in front of your eyes, screaming for her mother and begging for mercy. A royal treatment from the king.”

People look wide eyed at the Queen, realizing the truth in her words. Such event really happened, execution for something so ridiculous happened after the coronation. People joked about the stupid girl pissing off somebody from higher up. They couldn’t even imagine that a bruised and dirty-haired girl was their princess. She would be sixteen now.

“Your crown prince was charged with crime of stealing royal silverware from the kitchen in his own castle. He was sentenced to death by hanging. The execution was done improperly on purpose, making the poor boy suffer and suffocate, instead of having his neck broken granting him a swift and painless death. Before that, both siblings were imprisoned in royal dungeon and were made to do acts so horrendous, I won’t even describe them to you. Their innocence was robbed from them by the King, who killed them once he grew bored. A royal treatment from the king!”

The speech really riled people up. However unbelievable the claims by the Queen were, they all were true, as people clearly remember some of the very few executions ever to be performed on the city square. They all remember a poor boy struggling, slowly suffocating and crying. They all remember his face, face full of agony, far too much to come out of the execution. That boy was their prince and he would be twelve now.

“That same king abused his subjects, raised taxes to unbelievable rates, endorsed crime and slavery. Once he heard about my beloved, about the Fiend and about completion of the second Rite by him, the king grew jealous of the power he wanted for himself. King Robert claimed that my fiancé was a demon, vile and evil, wanting nothing more than to kill and pillage. He is up there on the balcony. Does he look evil to you?”

People turn their eyes towards me, looking at me suspiciously. I just stand there, not caring about them in the slightest. I might seem barbaric, but I am intelligent and I seem gentle enough with the girls. I also did my best to protect them while king used them to get me to bleed, not an act befitting royalty.

“Zern, I ask you, may you please reveal your face to your future subjects?”

I comply with her request, changing my form and shrinking. My human form didn’t seem to change much, I looked almost the same. I did however become much more attractive for some ungodly reason. Even Eleanor looked at me with her surprise badly hidden, not that anybody would notice.

Everybody looked at me. My skin now shone in the sunlight, as if I am made from bronze, poured into a mold. Me and Meriden spent plenty of time under the sun, and even after all the time in the dungeon, my skin stayed darker than usual. But now it had a luxurious luster to it, as if I oiled myself up, but it was even and it looked good. I could actually see myself in the small mirror, which was set up on the balcony.

I also had a set of gorgeous hair. Previously it was darker brown, like that of a grizzly bear. Now it was shiny, like in my lion form, with an aura around myself. I almost looked like I glowed, same as Eleanor did. My look showed royalty. My hair now reached down to my shoulders, it was more wavy than before, but it looked amazing. I would get jealous of myself if I didn’t have it.

My eyes also changed slightly, my irises now surrounded by a golden crown like a certain dragon’s. Yellow and golden eyes were mesmerizing, radiating power, royalty, courage… People wanted to serve me. If I didn’t have a claim for the throne now, they would willingly give it to me.

My horns were slightly bigger, and if previously they were muddy-grey, now they were dark grey, with golden lines etched into them with a seemingly random pattern, but which looked eerie and alluring. My tail also got a small brush of hair on the end, just like a real lion’s.

For once, my transformation made me look better, not worse. I can say it was a pleasant upgrade. My looks pleased me, but most importantly they pleased the girls.

Eleanor continues her speech after recovering.

“Here before you stands a real king. He helped his tribe over the years and he defended his kinsmen, he defended me and his other intended. He killed the slavers, sent by the king Robert to kidnap my people and to bring him some toys. Sadly, even though we saved those people then, they were still abused by the king in the end.”

Lilith comes forth from an archway, bringing with her my Bloodborn. Most girls seem ok. They were locked up, but Lilith protected them. I will have to make sure not to punish her too severely later on, just this little fact warrants some praise.

“These people here were abducted and taken from their homes. They were abused then and they were almost abused recently. It was my fated, Zern, who saved them back then, risking his life in the process. He killed two hundred slavers, who king Robert claimed to have been peaceful travellers. Do peaceful travellers pillage, murder and rape? And yet it was my fated who was accused of such things, when in reality he prevented them.”

People listen to Eleanor, taking in her every word. Nothing she said could be called a lie. Many knew of the circumstances surrounding my killing of the people. They also heard how king Robert declared the war on my tribe out of the blue.

“When my beloved departed to the Far East on an important mission, I did an unforgivable thing, I betrayed my beloved, claiming to have been under his influence. I took over my tribe and then I announced my engagement to king Robert. I did this to weed out anybody who would want to do harm to Zern and as extension to the Val tribe. You saw guards taking away the elders of my tribe. Those were the people who were willing to sell us off for power and money offered by king Robert. Now they are imprisoned, awaiting further judgment.”

The audience continued to listen to the confession Eleanor made. It could be considered a crime, but nobody would care to demand retribution.

“I also schemed to become your Queen. It was legitimate and yet it was not. Whether you feel if I should be in power or not, you must know few things. It was I who got rid of the abundant crime, brought forth by the king. It was I who repaired previously damaged relations with other races, brought forth by the actions of the king. It was I who stopped the unneeded war, that started only because of selfish desires of the king. It was I who reduced the taxes, which were used to fill the already full coffers of the royal treasury. I don’t know if you want me to remain the Queen…”

This barely constituted a crime, political arrangements and marriages were common as dirt, happening left and right. The legitimacy of her becoming a Queen could be questioned, but now was not the time.

“…but I tell you now, before you stands your future King, who will bring us forth towards prosperity and who will do his upmost to ensure our safety and our future as a great kingdom. It is he, who will lead us from now. All hail the new king!”

With that Eleanor knelt before me. Lilith and Leah followed her immediately. Then the trio behind me, the Bloodborn and Nrogara and even Flaer all kneeled. Seeing that, the rest of the people didn’t hesitate and kneeled, swearing their fealty and their obedience to me.

Thanks to Eleanor’s silver-tongue, to Leah and Lilith’s peerless planning and execution and to the other girls’ patience I became the king of the Human kingdom.

57 thoughts on “Beast Fiend. Chapter 27.”

  1. i know what i’m going to say is like a sore loser, but even so, with lilith or leah’s abilities some one could at least inform zern about what’s happening while he’s away or what the other three is planning.

    but like i said i’m done with this FF, i just saw here that there is an update so might as well read it for lulz.
    it’s not like i love your ff or something. . i i diot.
    god i sound like tsundere there.

    anyway good luck on your writing bubye

  2. Okay… Still felt there were better ways to go about this arc but I can accept this. Just for the love of god PLEASE don’t let him just forgive them as if nothing happened. Yes it was a plan. Yes it all turned out okay and in there favor. BUT that doesn’t change the fact that he was betrayed over and over again by people who clearly didn’t trust him enough to let him in on the plan. It could be said that he could have ruined the entire plan but just don’t let him be completely okay with it even if he understands it. It was clear that he suffered a lot and I just don’t think that it should just be okay (especially considering that he is still a thirteen year old -I think-). There were a lot of different ways to go about this other then making him a king. And I notice that Eleanor also did this for her own gain because she is now basically his main wife and has massive amounts of power now. Just… please just make it so he is pissed off. Thank you for posting all of these extra chapters to bring peace of mind to the readers as it’s not something a lot of authors would have done. I was honestly going to stop reading this but now I will continue since it was concluded quickly and I still want to see how this story goes.

  3. I still don’t like it. :l I hope that Zern doesn’t just say “let’s just move on and forget all the pain|suffering|emotional damage that my three betrothed did behind my back without ever trusting me enough to tell me.” I don’t think I would ever be able to fully trust the three of them again, even if they meant well and this issue ended up resolved.

    Anyway, thank you for your story. I’d like to see where you take it in the future. I’m just hoping that this event won’t just disappear and be forgotten. Good luck~!

  4. Everything coming out okay was good. But I am really pissed off about those three. They let his bloodborn be raped and all and its gonna be okay. They should be severely punished for what they did. How could they. AAARRRGHHH I am so damn angry……

    1. I am thinking rewriting the punishment scene now, making the girls suffer more. I mean, I was intending them to have some, and then go all hugs and kisses, but going all chains and whips for a day would be good too.

      1. That would be going easy on them. I don’t want any physical punishment. Maybe scare them or something by saying he’s gonna abandon them and stay away from them for some time. They should be really scared shitless and never even think about doing something like this ever again. Also make them work for his trust that they lost.
        Well I am saying all this because I am really angry and you can decide how it turns out.

        1. I will post these chapters on rr and then update with the next chapter. I will have to rework my punishment for the girls as people demand it, so in the next five or so days I won’t post anything.

          1. i hope your punishment will be both physical and mental and really hurts them in a way that they would never do such a thing again and still love him. Also sorry about making you feel rushed i apologize on the behalf of the other readers who were in sincire pain after reading the betrale it hurt us as much as zern

  5. I was expecting this arc to be a little longer, but then I guess you would have been down voted to half a star by angry people.

    I would suggest writing out the Bloodborn other than Eclair being captured and brutalized as I can’t see the main character forgiving the girls for it being as duty orientated as he is. The same result could have been achieved by having them march out a bunch of random citizens crowd members could then recognize.

  6. I would recommend some point of view from those in on
    the plot to build on their actions in a better light as most people tend to think they made right choice for whatever their reasons are and by seeing things from this new angle
    hopeful understanding and some trust could be gained
    I.E. them tell MC in some form of confession what they did why they did it and hopefully why the blazes the for some godforsaken reason decided not to include him in their plot
    ( my theory they knew he wouldn’t go for it )
    side note I for one would prefer for the story to continue
    as it has not be ruined just has some plot holes that at this point can still be filled in to bring it back up to 5 stars

  7. thanks for the chapter
    but zern still has to punish the three who betrayed him
    no matter reason or intention they still betrayed him

  8. I don’t usually leave comments but i felt that I must on this one. This arc was handled in a very infuriating way (not a bad way just one that causes a lot of anger towards the other characters). there definitely needs to be some real punishment and a nice conversation between zern and the girls to never pull this fucking shit again. But I still love this story , been following it since day one and will keep at it till the end. hope the critics and yelling don’t get you too down as it just means a lot of people love it too. Sorry this is long, anyways keep good spirits and O’m eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

  9. [qoute]
    Thanks to Eleanor’s silver-tongue, to Leah and Lilith’s peerless planning and execution and to the other girls’ patience I became the king of the Human kingdom

    Worst planning and execution i have ever seen.. literally just dumb luck that made it so that it all did not go to hell.
    you keep calling them cunning and smart, and good at planning ,and still they did this horrible bad plan…

    1. I have to agree with you, such as gambling on the King not killing Zern even after Eli suggests it. But, equally, in the bar after Zern first sees Eli with the king in the capital he’s told that the plan was supposed to take another 6 months and they’ve had to rush things because he came back so quickly. Admittedly he was captured and imprisoned for a good chunk of that, but with him being known to have returned for a few months it would have messed things up with the priority being on hunting him. Maybe had he not come back from the monster lands so soon the over all plan would have been much smoother? Not that it would have saved the Bloodborn as they were already captured but still…

  10. Hmmmm….You are only rewriting the punishment chapters right? Not the whole series or anything else right?…….

    Well, Good to see the conclusion. Btw, I like your wordpress look. Now, It’s time to wait for the next chapter…..did somebody just said 5 days?…NOOOOOOOooooooooo……..

  11. I think he so have his revenge on the three girls form betrayed him he love them. Because he got torture form there plan that he had on idea about

  12. I hate ELeanor, how could she let those despicable acts happen to his bloodborn? especially to that demoness.
    Does she thinks that its all ok because its not her who was being rape? fuck I hate her already.
    as I was reading on how they tortured the MC(by slitting his throat.) I was fuming with rage, I wanted to drop and stop on reading…but I steeled my self and continue to read.
    to be honest, I am not satisfied in this conclusion. MC does not have much reaction upon seeing his mistreated bloodborn, and that demoness.
    Wish he would give a scolding to those three, make him emit his killing intent or something…

  13. The MC was betrayed over and over by the people whom he loved. Now the corrupted king is killed and Eleanor shamelessly brings out such a speech. Now what? she clearly did this for her own gains just to get in a position of power. THIS is the the so called plan they were working on?! A PLAN WHERE THEY BETRAY THEIR LOVED ONE, MAKE HIM SUFFER SEVERLY LIKE THIS. MAKE 50+ PEOPLE (bloodborne) SUFFER THINGS LIKE RAPE AND VIOLANCE AGAIN TO OBTAIN JUST TO SATISFY THEIR OWN GREED. And what about the MC he went trough rites and trained hard to gain power to protect himself and the people whom he cares about just to find himself being able of putting up no resistance at all, betrayed by his loved ones and now things are supposed to be just allright after all of this?!?! I don’t think i have ever been so dissapointed and pissed off at the same time about how a fiction turns out.

    I really hope this story will be rewritten partly becouse if the story continues like this the only thing that can satisfy me is if Zern goes on a rampage murders all the humans and those who have betrayed him. Otherwise i can seriously not continue reading this wich truly is a shame since i enjoyed the story alot before this crap happened.

    1. That could have been handled better as in the girls could have trusted him to do the job instead of thinking they needed to handle it themselves and allow everyone to suffer. Trust is hard to earn yet easy to lose. If things are okay between him and the girls after that bullshit I won’t be able to continue reading bc it isn’t believable.

  14. Dear author:

    The way you handled this since chapter 22 was utterly ‘shitty’ let me ask one question again: why leah couldnt tell him about the plan? I believe it was already too late to argue about him not liking it…
    Next the thing most people raged was HOW IN THE GODDAM FUCK DID MERIDEN GOT KIDNAPPED? k now on to the next, even if you think people liked how this ended and that it will be fine with physical punishment, people will not like that….

    I already debated this kind of things with someone in some other FF but people who gets betrayed without a good reason and beforehand always lose trust towards the betrayer (i graduated from psychology 2 years ago) ergo once trust is lost there is a HUGE fucking way to get it back so what would be truly good as your ‘punishment’ would be the suspension of the ‘engagement’ with those 3 even if it is kinda extreme its not easy to deal with this kind of psychological scars.

  15. Everybody is so angry(including myself) with those betrayals and such which shows that your story is indeed very immersive. All those betrayals were well played, but you should probably add some other POV-s to fill out the plot holes and show the moving factor behind it all. That aside, after one person gets betrayed that many times he doesn’t just punish people. When you get betrayed, you don’t even want to get involved with them anymore mostly. You can’t really punish betrayal with anything other than banishment(or yourself leaving?) or death. If you’re a smart person you don’t tolerate betrayal(no matter the reason!) in any form and the MC doesn’t seem to be dumb doesn’t he? Also forgiveness is easy to get , but trust is hard to earn again. Don’t let them go with a simple punishment -> distrust is required even if they did do it for him, for the tribe and for themselves at the same time. Also generally the character seems quite straightforward and as such he shouldn’t tolerate any form of slippery backstabbing plans . We have yet to see the whole reaction (aka next chapter) but I hope you’ll really consider how you already built up your character and personality. After so much betrayal and abuse in different forms , no matter how strong one is, he needs to get away from everything. In my humble opinion he should dump everything and everyone and leave them to their own devices (which is the worst he can do in that moment given the situation?) . I do know that he’s a dutiful person but how many times do you have to get betrayed (no matter the reason?!!?!!!!!!!)(And from your fiance/clan no less) in order to realize that duty is empty.
    Anyhow, with so much pain and anguish (both mental and physical ) one would wish to go away from the current environment and take some time to heal.
    As you can see everybody’s reactions are mostly negative. Some got ground and some don’t but this is definitely a turning point in your work. I want to emphasize on this and ask you to take your time thinking over and writing next chapter to get all the loose ends together, according to the characters’ personality. As revealed from the whole ploy’s purpose it’s just too horrendous. And the most terrible part is that he isn’t given any information about it, which makes it most painful, fuck the means don’t justify the end obviously. Argh, I can rant for ages on the last couple of chapters, but I plead you, take your time, think everything over? and tune in the plot, the character personalities and whatnot .

    1. which is the worst he can do in that moment given the situation?
      I ment :
      which is the worst he can do to punish them all given the situation.

      1. Well he will really be incapable of physically harming them but I am fairly certain a complete loss of trust in them while he lovingly takes care of the three who didn’t betray him is in order. No matter the reason they really did fuck up badly. I mean his bloodborn were raped again and the girls don’t even seem to care. Eleanor did it for her own gain as well and probably thinks that everything will turn out okay. I want that proven wrong. I want her and the other two to understand just what they did and just what they lost from this stunt of there’s. Because if his anger lasts only a few chapters then it won’t be realistic enough. Well he can forgive them within a few chapters but he shouldn’t trust them again for a long time. They should have to earn that back.

        1. You just made another good point i forgot on my previous rant:
          *the way the 3 girls whosr age is 12 was way too manipulative, from what we read in this past chapters we can get the idea that they are capable of doing ANYTHING to achieve their objectives…

          And leaving that aside….the thing i cant forgive the most is that the bloodborn were raped once again…its as if you just created that pack of character with the purpose of getting raped once again and reviving their old trauma….

  16. Weird. Superb story until the end when it starts to get weird. I mean she marry a king who was going to lose his kingdom because of rebellion. Then she killed part of her own people, abducted the other, married the king even when he was raping/beating/killing people the MC cared about?
    After all that she arrest her ex-“lover” , beat up his three fiancees.

    And all of that because she wanted the humans kingdom??? And at the end the MC is happy with the three betrayers???
    Shouldn’t he be feeling angry take his people (blood born + 3 fiancees) and get the hell out of here? Much more to never see the lioness one ever again?

  17. Dude, you’re really really NEED to consider your PSYCHOLOGICAL approach on your characters and stories. Chap 27 ended like a serious joke -“Thanks to Eleanor’s silver-tongue, to Leah and Lilith’s peerless planning and execution and to the other girls’ patience I became the king of the Human kingdom”- and it’s not even funny.

    The girls method were cruel and savage, they betrayed their own family, letting their own fellow to be tormented, raped and abused. Hell they even let and purposely tormented their lover and fellow fiance until the end which is nonsensical to their final purpose.

    All in all it was all done by three 12 years old teenagers, the funny thing is you pictures them as an innocent loving little girls and seriously matured mentally, and they not even immortals. That’s a big hole in psychological aspect in there.

    The girls methods would obviously resulting a deep anger, grudge and resentment, not just from enemies but also from their own fellows. And yet it ended like some cheap happy ending weird fairytale drama. Ow that’s super lame!

    Another plot hole is the king objectives, following Eleanor’s excuse to wait until the right time for ritual passage and giving her power to rule the kingdom was simply and really obviously doesn’t makes sense. He had the power packed with vile and crooked personality, technically he can simply force anything he wanted from Eleanor. If you wanna pictures him as a dumb king, his dialog when fighting with Zern and Eleanor’s explanation about the king exploit has simply ruining it all.

    A plot twist is good, tampering the readers emotions is also a great idea. It make things more livelier and exciting. But please, come up with a better prepared scenario scheme next time and do consider the psychological aspects, not some avadakedabra make up BS.

    If you got stuck-up with the stories then rest up for a bit, you need it to clear the clouds. Because you tend to kept repeating, going around and around explaining things that already explained or obvious. It ruins your own story flow and paces. It tend to get dull and booring so I skipped most of the paragraphs. Chap 1-5 is a good examples of it, it clearly can be seen that you having stuck-up in your inspiration and trying hard to extend the paragraphs. When it happened again, please just rest.

    The grammar is not bad, please do give more attention to words such as “your & you’re”, “their & there”, “than & then”. It simple things but it so very disturbing when someone intentionally misplaced it since each one had a different meant and use.

    Critics are harsh, but if you could containing it well it will push you forward and made you better. And I am not trying to bash you around, it all based on my goodwill since I see potential in you. All and all, good luck with your work and don’t stop improve yourself.

  18. Okay so after reading all of this fic today and reading all of the comments on this page just now, let me sum up my opinion on the matter.

    Firstly, I don’t believe the 3 betrayers would actually allow the Bloodborn to be treated like that all over again. Just no. Even if they didn’t form bonds with the Bloodborn, which we know they did. Other than that, I actually don’t dislike what’s happened so far in this “betrayal arc” as it fits their 3 personalities well – 2 mischievous manipulators and a prideful girl who seeks a position of power. But what’s done is done, I don’t expect or want you to rewrite that, as I feel that even without this aspect the rest of the betrayal would justify the rest I am about to say.

    Secondly, the issue of punishment. I absolutely agree with everyone who has commented here. Zern should want nothing to do with them or the kingdom they acquired for him. He is still young, mentally, and has been clearly shown to have suffered greatly over the matter of their betrayals. They also encouraged the Val to fracture, for their kin to turn on each other; they allowed the Bloodborn to suffer yet again, and even used that suffering in their little performance to gain the sympathy of the people; they imprisoned and tortured Zern, enslaved the three loyal girls, and even went so far as to use Meriden to capture Zern – which, by the way, I hope you aren’t planning to explain as her not being enslaved but actively helping in the plot as that would be a fourth betrayer and one who is already bonded to him no less. But the main fact is they told him nothing of any of this, when it has been admitted they knew of it long before he was sent on his mission and there was still a chance to resolve the Val’s fracturing peacefully and without involving other nations.

    At the very least, he should reject kingship and have the three permanently banished after drinking their blood to gain the power he knows he’ll need to defend Val and the rest of the world. If Meriden truly did betray him as well, I wouldn’t have him banish her but it should still take a long while before he begins to interact with her again. A few months in solitude would be good to start with, as the 3 (or 2) loyal girls would scorn the others for him also leaving them behind while he heals – they’d just be a reminder that the others betrayed him if they were the only ones at his side.

    As for why to reject the kingship, it’s a statement that the crown was given to him through the most abhorrent means that he will simply not tolerate. He should say so publicly before leaving the arena’s balcony, while the 3 betrayers are still down below.

    Obviously the punishments are my opinion of what should be done and are included for inspiration only, but my reasoning behind why this absolutely cannot be a mere forgive-and-forget scenario is something I very much hope you take to heart when rewriting the punishment chapter.

    1. I agree on the subject of not accepting the throne and the punishments.. That should do it to cover some mistakes

  19. The one issue I have with the story isn’t the betrayals or the plot holes, its the believability. You have some work ahead to make sure the characters in the next chapters have believable reactions please do not make this yet another fiction where the male MC keeps his balls in his wifes/girlfriends purse. Normally if someone did something of this magnitude, even if they believed it was the right thing too do, the person they did it too wouldn’t just say “Oh you!” then walk off into the sunset and pretend like everything is ok.

    1. I haven’t yet posted his response yet. The very next chapter should be showing his response. Perhaps it is not what people want or expect, or perhaps it is the exact thing they want to happen.

      1. Hahaha sounds like it should be good then! I’m actually fairly impressed with this fic and its one of my favourites on RR, I just didn’t want it to go down the road of 99% of every other harem writing out there. I want this fic too stay good and don’t want all the work you’ve put into the characters to be summed up as those three bitches and that spineless MC

        1. I know what you mean. When I started writing I wanted to write something different from other fictions. So, having things happen differently from other works is somewhat a curse and a blessing. I have my idea of Zern, but I don’t know whether I am showing him properly.

          1. Well I wish you the best of luck author, and good luck with one of the top curses of an author, wondering if everyone actually views your characters in the way you meant too portray them. Here’s hoping it pans out for you.

  20. Here is my take on what should have happend on that balcony:

    From the balcony I looked down on the sea of people bowing down swearing their fealty to me. Their presence felt like weak small lambs not the strong presence of the Val people that I have spend the most of this lifetime with. An image came unbiding to my mind 3 yapping dogs: Eleanor, Lilith and Leah cajoling and guiding a large group of lambs towards a pen and among them ME.
    I felt no kinship toward the people that until now have regarded me as the biggest evil Beast Fiend walking upon this earth and therefore felt no obligation towards them.
    Even among the Val people there were many who saw me with terrified eyes and mistrust. Ready to cut me down if not for their lack of strenght.
    What kind of King whould I be when the people regarded me
    as a Tyrant and a Freak ruling over them with just the fear they have towards me?
    The only concern and obligation I have is towards the Bloodborn who I have promised my protection. The betrayal towards me and the trampling down of my promises, that I have given to the bloodborn felt like a hot lumb of bile that were stuck in my gut and would’nt disappear.
    Down in the cellar I questioned the girls motivation and came to this understanding that I dont know the girls at all. Only in the brief of time I was happy spending my time with them it seems like an illusion now.
    The trust towards the girls only the the thrust toward two of them remained.
    with the remnants of my strength I stated with a booming voice:” The King is Dead long live the Queen. Now that Queen Eleanor have such a devoted and loving people behind her I’m no longer needed so I withdraw my guardienship of the Queen and intrust it to You”. With the baffled look towards me from the would be subjects I left the balcony.
    I’m sorry for the mistakes in the small fanfic.
    English is not my first language.
    This is only my thought on the progression of the story.

    1. That truly would be a natural way to continue, + 1 on the idea. Heck, + over 9000 as it was exactly in the lines of what I was thinking. That however might not be in tune with the overall already? planned layer of the story that the author has in store for us so we shall see . Regardless I just want closure with the issue, whatever it might be. Can’t wait for the next chapter ~~

    2. Hahaha.. Really good!! Right!!! He never ask them for him to be king . . he is someone who only cared about his subjects an bethroded. I also hope he will turn down the offer of being a king and just like he said in the past chapter become an “ADVISOR”..

    3. Indeed that would be a good way of ending all this shithole twist, no accepting the kingship and also turning his back towards those whp wronged him, revenge is not necessary when they lose such kind of force and guardian… and about the rituals? Well fuck that its not a complete MUST and those 3 girls unless they learn their mistake why should he fall for someone like them…they are just empty other than being a bunch of manipulative bitches they have no redeeming feature and being a beuty doesnt count…

  21. Hello! I just started reading this book yesterday. It is really great. Especially the plot twist but I must say it was quite a shock, from a easygoing atmosphere turned 180 degrees plot of betrayal and confusion. It does not only test the mental capacity of the MC, the same goes for the readers, even my mind was quite strained and eager to know what happened and why. Hehehe … I didn’t expect it turned out well in the end. Hehehehe. I will be waiting for moooorree .. I’m very interested on what will happen next. Just that please add a few more chapters before doing a grand twist so that us readers will be able to prepare and handle it. Your story have a great potential. Hahahaha I’m on a bliss right now after reading this.


  22. The only way i know that mc will take is to leave them
    and go another kingdom or town that no one knows him to heal.

  23. Uhm hey, I might have a simple solution for this bottle neck. It’s suggestion so it’s up to you to take it or not.

    The ending chapter phrase was like the worst blunder ever, but it can also turn out the otherwise. You just simply need to add this at the first paragraph of chap 28,

    “Thanks to Eleanor’s silver-tongue, to Leah and Lilith’s peerless planning and execution and to the other girls’ patience I became the king of the Human kingdom”-oh that’s what might I suppose to say to end this like any other fairytale stories should be. But this is not fairytale, things didn’t always end up all lovey dovey.

    That phrases will shut everyone mouths (including me). In the same time it create the perfect turn of point for whatever scenarios in your sleeves, if you catch where I’m going?! And solve half of the plot holes from chap 22-27. But you still need to work out another ways for the king’s weird choice of stance with Eleanor, the girls psychological state before and after (for God’s sake they are genuine 12 years old mortals, not immortal like Zern), and the brewing anger & resentment on all characters.

    Well, that’s all what I want to say. Goodluck & I wait for your next surprise.

  24. Honestly, I love this work, you should not scrap it or do anything like that. Think thoroughly about this next chapter. It will be the conclusion for this arc. You need to mentally and psychologically punish Meriden, Leah, Lilith, and Eleanor. Meriden followed Leah’s orders to knock Zern out. She needs to be punished as well because she allowed herself to be controlled by the three disobedient Val’s. Zern needs to separate himself from all of them except for Aedim and Elaya, because they were the ones who did not betray him at all. You have done a great job and there is still much of this story for you to write. Keep on doing a great job, don’t worry too much about the comments and take what you can out of them. Just continue to try and improve your story.

    1. Actually I think Meriden was being controlled. Remember that collar on her neck? It was probably a mind magic or something. I agree with the rest though.

  25. How could you?! How could they?! EVEN THINK this was OK?! The collateral & scope of the damage this plan of theirs caused to so many things & people is ….. I can’t even sum up an approximation of how far reaching it is!! Not just abusing & using the MC like a chess piece to meet their agendas but treating basically every other important character like a disposable piece. The traumas cause by this reach far more people than just the mc so I hope you plan for more than just an apology of oops I’m sorry or I did it for the greater good, to rectify this to all the people they have hurt & used!! Especially eclair that girl or demoness has raped & tortured by the slavers, rescued, trained, captured by the dragon monster king tortured again, rescued, trained, captured again by Leah & raped & tortued some more!! This is just too much for one person to keep going through! You need to make addenda to her if no one is else!! :(

  26. Very curious to see how you navigate this. Becoming king isn’t a big issue, Zern will probably accept his new position because it’s the best option for him to protect the people he cares about but I don’t know how he, his faction, and his other wives can reconcile any more than superficially with the not so holy trinity given how much they suffered as a result of their little scheme. He should’ve backhanded Eleanor into the next century when she had the temerity to call him dear after all the bullshit he just went through.

    1. That said, I implore you to keep writing the story you want to write. You are doing pretty well as an amateur writer, all the reaction just means that you have a very engaging story and it’s a breath of fresh air to see a MC and his companions suffer some actual adversity for once as it makes for far more interesting characters and relationships down the road than just another overpowered badass that steamrolls whatever Fate tries to throw at him. Just go easy on the plot twists, it’s bad for my heart :).

  27. Make him kick their asses.. he deserves better treatment! its god and all that they made a plan on how to make everyone happy, but it doesnt justify his suffering. he had his fucking throa slit every day for fucks sake!!!

  28. Wow that was mind blowing. This is getting more interesting and awesome. So now he is a king …just woah…those girls seriously are very intelligent to be able to plan all these and able to plan for their beloved to sit on the throne in such a way.

    Thanks very much for all the chapters so far. Please keep it coming. I’m waiting for more new updates. xD

    1. Dude….so much praise….but let me ask you…would you take the throne that came from the sacrifice of a whole shit lot of people and more than anything the Bloodborn were just raped again as if it was nothing … forget about that they backstabbed the Mc just for such a crappy reason…as i stated before the kingdom was already gone if no one messed with it but here those 3 bitches pull this stunt…

      I’ve been thinking this for a while but i think he should leave the Val tribe and go with the Demons at least they care for each other lmao and they are DEMONS lmao

  29. Frankly. I’m still pissed off. They meant well but that still doesnt change what they put him, the three other girls and the bloodborn through. I hope he wont just act like everythings just hunkey dorey after the shit they just pulled, cuz it sure as hell wasnt right. They could have at least discussed everything with him. This is not the kind of thing where you can withold information to give a plan a better chance of success, so I really hope they dont just completely go back to the way things were before.

  30. I get it I’m taking all and I’m happy about that but you gotta treat me constantly and you can’t even trust me enough to let me on the plane I’m not happy and I’m not okay

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *