Beast Fiend. Chapter 28.

“Please forgive us! We didn’t wish for you to suffer, but we had to improvise! If only you stayed in monster territory for longer, everything would have gone differently!”

I was now in my private chambers, as of few hours ago, myself and three girls sitting on a king-size bed, while three other girls prostrated on the floor, begging for forgiveness. They walked around with dignity and respect while we moved about the capital, but now they knelt before me, three simple girls who did a bad thing. They even made excuses, like the little girls they are.

I talked around with different people, with the girls even with previous king’ advisors, most of whom I relieved of their duty. Turns out that I made lives harder for everybody. ThE Bloodborn were supposed to be safe and sound, locked away, fed and taken care of, albeit staying in the dungeons. But once the king heard of my return, his paranoia kicked in.

At first he tried lashing out at Lilith, but she fought back and then made sure nobody of the six girls would get hurt as well. So the king decided to do the next best thing and try to go after the Bloodborn. Thankfully Lilith was able to resist any advances towards them.

The girls were hhurt somewhat, and perhaps I was at fault, but so were the three traitors. They said that I did my job too well, returning in mere months, exposing the whole operation and making king lash out in fear. If I had stayed quiet and hid, everything would have gone ok, but my mere appearance and capture of Meriden in our first visit threw the whole thing off the tracks.

It kinda pissed me off how I was blamed for it, but thinking about it, it was reckless of me to charge into the Val territories demanding to talk to elders. It’s like the girls are saying that their peerless plans were foiled by their lack of foresight and inability to predict that I would complete the task assigned to me extremely fast and fly back on a dragon…

I questioned them, what if the king killed somebody or what if he killed me? They just said they had everything under control, the king was easy to manipulate, even when he panicked and acted irrationally. During the duel, his triumph and his arrogance took over his self-preservation instinct and he wanted to see me suffer, which made him leave me alive long enough. He didn’t expect betrayal.

Now, I can see the merits of the whole scheme and how now I am technically the king thanks to Eleanor and the two vixens. But, it doesn’t eliminate the fact that I was betrayed and left in the dungeon for five months constantly bled and disoriented. When I asked them why they didn’t tell me, they said their original plan hinged on Eleanor actually marrying the king, consummating the marriage and then killing him, making Eleanor the official widow queen. Hearing that I was really mad, punching a few holes into a solid stone wall. If they did they, I would have truly ripped out Eleanor’s heart and ate it myself, to get back whatever love we shared…

Eleanor actually went pale when she heard me. The girls don’t seem to realise how much I value what we have. They belong to me and I to them, we are one and whole. I care little about my life, I get reborn after I die. What I do care is about the joys and trust we share and about being together. It borders on being psychotic, which would be true if I didn’t have the knowledge I had. Knowing that souls are immortal and live on makes you value your life less than whatever you fill it with. In this whole scenario, it wasn’t the torture or the solitude that hurt me most, it was the apparent betrayal.

Now, that the situation has been resolved, I understand that the girls had my and everybody’s interest in mind, hoping to get rid of one destabilizing factor in the world and to gain more influence for me and them. Also, making me king of a country would further improve my standing in the world, now I wasn’t just the Fiend, I was the King of Kernun kingdom.

But I am still very-very angry. I can’t let the girls be unpunished, even if it is slight. They have to learn their lesson to not fuck with me like that. I will have to show them I am serious enough. Whatever lingering negative emotions I have, I will be able to pour it into the executions of the traitor elders and my father.

I stood up and walked around them. They were on their knees, their bodies low on the ground, only their butts sticking in the air slightly. They didn’t dare move while I circled them. This is very strange, I am sure it is I who should be graveling before the girls in any such situation, but now I don’t feel like a man in matriarchal society. I feel like a king. Perhaps they feel guilty for the months I spent in confinement.

“Girls, you did a very bad thing. You practically betrayed me, making me an outlaw, making me hide and struggle for survival in the wilds. If not for the little dragon, I would surely have perished!”

The girls took it in without saying the word. It was all total bull, but they didn’t even think about objecting.

“You know, it was bad enough spending time fetching food for myself, it was bad when I thought my own people betrayed me, it was bad enough that you three acted so alien towards me. But what hurt me the most, was you making me believe you really betrayed me and separating me from Meriden, and then from Elaya and Aedim. I really believed in your act and even thought of you as of the three who betrayed me. That hurt me deeply.”

I said exactly what I have thought, their betrayal was the part that hurt me most throughout this whole ordeal. Becoming a king of questionable legitimacy was all good and fine, but spending most of the year doubting myself and my fated was the worst thing that happened to me in this life so far.

“I will forgive you of course, I can’t stay mad at you…”

The girls almost breathed a sigh of relief, but I didn’t let them.

“…but first, I will have to punish you. You were very bad and very naughty girls.”

With that, my tail went to work. Since my transformation, I didn’t just look majestically magnificent, I also became flexible and nimble like a real cat. I could fold myself in two backwards, I could almost turn my head back 180 degrees, I could lick my elbow and put both my feet behind my head. All of it discovered in privacy of course.

Naturally my tail also became flexible like a whip. It was strong, but at the same time, it was elastic and if I swung it hard enough, it would chip away from the stone floor. This would be their punishment, although I would use just enough force to hurt them greatly but not to scar them permanently, those buns have to be flawless for the future. I would also get to vent some of my anger.

Using only my tail, I took off the girls’ pants. Eleanor was still in her ceremonial clothing, so it was easy, but the two spy girls had leather pants, which took some effort to remove. In the end, before me were three girls, with their buttocks exposed in fully glory for the world to see. If I wanted, I could see a little more, which of course I saw when we bathed previously, but not at this angle and this circumstance.

Elaya, seeing what I was doing shot me a curious glance, but I just waved my hand, dismissing her worries and questions.

“You girls did a very bad thing. Where I come from, bad girls get a lashing when they do bad things. You each will get ten lashes. Remember your lesson girls.”

With that I went to work. I elongated my tail enough to act as a whip and whipped Leah, who was on the leftmost of the three. She tried muffling her cry, but it didn’t do her much good. The girls, apart from Meriden, weren’t really used to rough treatment, especially in such a sensitive area.

Next was Eleanor, the Queen of the Kernun kingdom, the Prime Matriarch of the Val tribe, who was now on the floor, waiting to get whipped. She had least experience with pain, so she couldn’t keep her voice in. She cried loudly, her voice echoing within the chamber. I didn’t fear nor care about her being heard. I am the King now, fuck everybody.

When I whipped Lilith, her reaction was a little mixed. She was clearly in pain, but as it faded, she couldn’t keep in a somewhat pleasurable moan. Well, somebody is getting excited by whips here. When I whipped her next I made sure to apply more force to make it less of a fun ride for her.

For the next quarter of an hour, thirty lashings were given out, making the girls cry. I made it slow deliberately, drawing out the pain and the fear of it coming. When it is over quickly, you won’t remember it as vividly. By giving each one some time for the pain to fade and then reapplying it again, I made sure they have enough experience with this. Of course I didn’t want to hurt them badly, but lessons have to be taught and I was still very angry at them. My anger lessened somewhat by the last screams of pain.

Throughout the punishment, I could see Meriden turn red, fidgeting with her clothes, trying to do something with her hands which were restless. It seems her inner Laura was not just submissive, but masochistic too. I made a mental note and filed it away for later.

By the end, the three girls were bawling on the floor, even Lilith whom I treated just a little rougher. I didn’t want scars to ruin the cute little behinds of the girls, so I took out a secret weapon, the “ZernGara-lixer”. Nrogara had some of it stashed away, so now I could use it to heal the injuries.

Putting the gel-like liquid in my hands, I spread it thoroughly on the bottoms of the three of my fated. I did it slowly, taking in the sensations. It was purely medical, nothing sexual in it, not a single thing… At that sight the other two girls who were very still previously, also got flustered with a blush appearing on their cheeks and their hands wanting to go places. I never had a talk about sex with them, I didn’t know if they knew the joys of self-pleasuring. I certainly did. I should have a lecture with them later, now would be a wrong time.

The bruises and the cuts on the skin quickly disappeared, leaving flawless skin behind. It was like magic, only better. I made the girls dress up and then I hugged the three of them, trying to stop their tears. They hugged me back, trying to get close to me. They missed me just as much as I missed them, they understood that the punishment was warranted and they didn’t fault me for it. We stood there for a bit. But this was more of a carrot and a stick treatment, they got a stick and now they quickly feel the carrot.

“Girls, while I was delirious or unconscious, did any of you visit me in the dungeon?”

With my question, the previously reddened girls all turn a much darker shade of red and try to look as far from my face as possible. I understood what that meant and hugged them tighter. With a flick of my tail I called over the other three girls, and they joined the group hug with me in the middle. I had a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. I would say it was love, but my chambers had bad ventilation, perhaps it was just too stuffy…

Regardless of how I felt, the girls still had to know they hurt me internally, so I had to make them feel unwelcome or give them a cold shoulder. All the pain I felt inside is still there, it will take time to heal.

“You three, I can’t let you back into our circle just yet. You hurt me and your sisters, you deceived us and you acted against us on your own volition. For now, you are excluded from any activities until you are forgiven.”

Those words made the three girls hysterical. It really hurt me to see them like that, their tears flowing freely, their sobs reverberating around us in the chambers. This was heartbreaking. I doubted I will last long, the girls being reduced to this mess was unnatural to me. They tried apologizing, wanting to be part of the six, but I denied them. The trust has to be earned, once lost it is hard to regain. I wasn’t mistrusting them now, but they had to know that in future their consequences will have actions.

What made it more nerve wrecking is that girls understood that it would be the last time we stand like that, all seven of us so close together for a while. This made them cling to me just this much harder, trying to hold on to the fleeting feeling of closeness. I even regretted punishing them like that a little bit, but it had to be done. I stayed with the them for a while, and then left. The girls will have to prove themselves to me before we can act as we used to before…

My decision was to leave it at. I couldn’t punish them more because I wanted them. They were now mine truly, body and soul. The thought of betrayal had to be snuffed out, but that is a thing for the future. Now they were my toys, each and every one of them, my little precious girls. Now I had them in my palms.

Perhaps such thinking was not fitting me… May be my confinement changed me a little, such thoughts are darker than what I am used to in this life time. The delirium I remembered, the past lives I lived. The darkness I felt from then was now present here. I would need to sort it out eventually, my future would need it gone.

So, like that our reunion ended. I was now a ruler of a kingdom, with Eleanor as my Queen and also a Prime Matriarch of the Val tribes. Other girls weren’t as influential, at least not at first. We decided that having too much power for one person was a bad decision. So we made some changes.

Firstly, we freed all the elders that supported me, there were a devil’s dozen, or thirteen of them. We made them into the elder council. We also made Eleanor give up her position as Val’Halla tribe head. The six tribe heads were also a part of the council. Lastly, we gave the position of Prime Matriarch to Elaya, so Eleanor wouldn’t need to travel a lot back and forth between the two. Elaya was somewhat happy, she liked caring for her people.

Eleanor stayed the queen of the Kernun kingdom. Even though there was no longer a Kernun lineage, we didn’t rename the kingdom as that would only spell trouble. Previous kings were always faithful and never strayed to some whorehouses or other such establishments and never had concubines. King Robert didn’t let any of the women he got acquainted with live for too long, paranoia and such. According to Leah, no woman who had been with him ever became pregnant, so he might have been sterile. What a joke. Served that fucker right.

Our takeover was met with very little opposing force; the previous king was a fool and he brought forth s lot of problems, almost ruining the kingdom. It was only Eleanor’s involvement that stifled any conflict citizens had and if not for her, revolts would have torn the kingdom apart. It is only my beloved Queen that brought prosperity, and seeing nobody else eligible for the throne, we were allowed to stay. The nobles hoped to gain favor with us and to elevate their own positions, as the new rules may want some trustworthy people supporting them. It was a good situation for most of them. The logistics of the most of it were left to the girls.

So Eleanor was the proud, beautiful and merciful queen, while I was the Fiend-king, ruthless and cruel but fair and courageous king. I would travel a lot, so Eleanor would stay and run the kingdom, as she seemed to like it a lot. Kingdoms run by thirteen year olds weren’t rare, but they usually had some snake-like advisors spewing venom and plotting things. Neither Lilith nor Leah looked like snakes and they didn’t use any venom, so they had to make up in plotting. And boy was there a lot of it. They had plans to eliminate some nobles while helping others, to increase production of something while eliminating competition abroad, plans to overtake foreign territories by some loop-hole that existed since three centuries ago…

Mostly my head hurt when I tried listening to them, only getting parts which mostly were incorrect when I tried repeating them. Oh well, I wasn’t born to be a politician. Strangely, Leah would often get a wide smile while planning something, it was like the whole world became her plaything.

With the girls splitting apart to go far away from one another, there appeared the issue of traveling long distances. In this world travel by air was considered somewhat dangerous, because of dragons and birds of prey like steelfeathers and thrunderbeaks – incredibly powerful monsters which ravaged any airborne prey. Seeing that I had a personal dragon it was no issue for me, but for others it was a problem. And I couldn’t spend my time playing taxi, I was busy with… being a hero… and such…

I had thought about teleportation, but that magic was never discovered here. Long distance travel was not needed mostly, as people just stayed in their territories or had minor squabbles with their close neighbours. I even thought about approaching dwarves and gnomes about making a monorail running through the continent, when, as on cue, Aedim approached me to talk about something.

She previously came up with whisper-stones, magical walkie-talkies of this world. Now she had another idea. If you can connect two stones to make them seem as one and to allow you hear something from halfway across the continent, why couldn’t you connect two places to make them seem as one and to travel between them. I was going to tell her it wasn’t that easy, but when prompted, strangely enough, I remembered some knowledge about the subject.

I had hard time explaining all the fine little details that popped into my head, because I could barely understand them myself. Still, I did my best to talk about different types of teleportation, the wormholes, the quantum tunnelling, the deconstruction and reconstruction of the matter. The fine points of quantum physics escaped Aedim, but to her credit, she got most of the points right. Knowing my little genius, soon there would be teleportation all over. With that knowledge Aedim traveled to the elven territory to study more.

Meriden witnessed the strength Nrogara and Eclaire displayed and she made me train her. With the help of Nrogara’s potions, Meriden went through monstrous exercise regime, even more harsh than the other two had, turning her into a monster. Seeing how I was the best suitable partner for her, she decided to always stay by my side. She was now like a warrior-princess, beautiful and deadly. She never stopped training, hoping to achieve the same strength I had.

Speaking of Nrogara and Eclaire, the troll became my personal alchemist. During our travels and afterwards I learned that blood alchemy was one of the finer and more difficult disciplines of the art. Mixing plants to make potions was pretty straightforward, but identifying and then isolating and utilising the parts that blood carries required finesse beyond ordinary alchemist. He received a sizeable salary and was moving around with me, also training with me. He hoped to learn from me and to receive more strength. After my transformation he withdrew some of my blood, which now was dark blue, to experiment.

Eclaire and other Bloodborn were not traumatised as before. Firstly, they underwent various trainings with Leah and Lilith to make them more resistant to torture and other similar experiences. Secondly, most of them had learned to meditate and they could sort out their inner turmoil if needed. Tertiary, they once again saw me gruesomely execute their captor. Now, they revered me even more, thinking I would protect them or punish whoever hurt them. Not that I wouldn’t, but I was no god.

On a side note, Meriden, Aedim and Elaya were now considered Bloodborn as well, seeing their baptism in my blood. They were elites now, as they were touched by the esteemed leader of the cult… Ehm, faction. I thought they wouldn’t like it much, but they were actually happy to be my subjects now. Eleanor also decided to go through with the baptism, which would be performed privately with just my girls and the Bloodborn. Two others decided to wait until later date.

Now Eclaire was the strongest of all the Blooborn, other than my fiancées, thanks to my training. I put her as Sonja’s bodyguard, because I was going to use Sonja’s past as a noble of the house of Lust. We needed to get close to demons, so I had some plans for that, but about that later.

The first and most important issue was the alliance with monsters. With that, I announced that we would be having an assembly, calling leaders of humans and Val, as well as other neighbouring territories.

40 thoughts on “Beast Fiend. Chapter 28.”

  1. finally the nightmare is over
    please don’t make another betrayal of the harem
    you can put anything against a mc but never his harem
    that is just bad taste even if it is temporary
    thank god that part is over and the story is back on track
    liked the punishment of the girls now they learned
    who has the leash on the relationship
    awesome story great hopes for the future
    thanks for the chapter

  2. sigh, when you said punishment, i was thinking a real punishment, but seriously? this? you call that punishment?, i’m disappointed also you just resolved everything for the plots sake/ for the plot to progress and it’s not good at all, i’m not saying your fiction is bad but the way you do things is, i don’t know how to say this, but barely adequate?, i don’t know but i still have a lot to say but i’ll end it here, and good luck on your fiction, i’ll stop reading here.

    thanks for your time writing this.

    1. and this part really hammered that those three had a good head and this is their brilliant awesome plan “When I asked them why they didn’t tell me, they said their original plan hinged on Eleanor actually marrying the king, consummating the marriage and then killing him, making Eleanor the official widow queen.”

      are you F*cking kidding me?, you i had enough of you kept saying their smart and sh*t but they’re not and you can clearly see that in the way things happena and their awesome brilliant plan, also you gave us an excuse saying the world is not all fun and games, well no sh*t sherlock, i’ll atleast give you a D- minus for the lame excuse.

    2. Well consider the fact that the author is starting but i will also give a few pointers:

      *NEVER do such kind of drastic twists like this arc as i already said in the RR review you made this from white to dark and that os a pretty shitfuck move.
      *Im dissatisfied on how you ended this, why? You just made this from black to white by making the MC take blame for returning mainly because he needed to alert the Tribe and because he wanted to see them, but how in god dam fuck was he supposed to know he was to arrive later? Yet he blames himself.
      * The punishment….i told you physical was NOT necessary…yet you go a do it… thats totally needless.
      * Excluding them…that isnt the psychological point…why? They know this is temporary…so instead of trying hard to do it as the 3 bitches they are according to their ‘bias’ they will just wait for it.

      This are the current points im more focused on. Im indeed dissatisfied with how it played in the end…and that BULLSHIT about training the bloodborn…please dont take it as an insult but it sounded lime it came straight from your ass…it was so fuckin unbelievable i was literally fuming…tell me are they going to become a bunch of hoes and Lilith and Leah their Pimp?…

      Sorry if the last part sounds offensive but i am quite pissed at the plot sake shit you pulled so please and i beg again dont take it personal…

      1. yup, they know that he’s just temporarily excluding them for now, and he’s going to include them next time.
        ““You three, I can’t let you back into our circle just yet. You hurt me and your sisters, you deceived us and you acted against us on your own volition. For now, you are excluded from any activities until you are forgiven.”
        Those words made the three girls hysterical. It really hurt me to see them like that, their tears flowing freely, their sobs reverberating around us in the chambers. This was heartbreaking. I doubted I will last long, the girls being reduced to this mess was unnatural to me. They tried apologizing, wanting to be part of the six, but I denied them. The trust has to be earned, once lost it is hard to regain. I wasn’t mistrusting them now, but they had to know that in future their consequences will have actions.
        What made it more nerve wrecking is that girls understood that it would be the last time we stand like that, all seven of us so close together for a while. This made them cling to me just this much harder, trying to hold on to the fleeting feeling of closeness. I even regretted punishing them like that a little bit, but it had to be done. I stayed with the them for a while, and then left. The girls will have to prove themselves to me before we can act as we used to before…”

        even though you describe how they cry and went hysterical, i don’t see it, much less i can’t feel any emotion on it, not sounding like a professional but i just cant see it, you just describe it what happen,what the girls looks like the way they act, but it’s lacking the feelings.

        though you done a great job pulling a BS event which causing readers to get pissed and angry, thats a bad thing, you’ll lose readers that way, it’s good that you can pull the readers in emotional way but suddenly turning to dark point will turn them away.
        you can say that you’re on olympics and a contestant in 100M dash you had a good start and now your on steady run and it’s good , but then you suddenly switch right step with left causing you to slow out. now thats bad whats the point of me camparing you to this. . .guess what nothing.

        anyway if you went they’re punish physical and excluded in zerns group as mental/psychological punishment,they also know that it’s only temporary so i can’t see those three learning their lesson.

  3. Could’ve been better but also could’ve been worse.
    Good job, although personally i would’ve focused more on mental torture since it hurts wayyy more than physical, at least in this situation.
    My only beef would be the part about him blaming him self, the part where he healed them (he should have not healed them, the worst part about a ass whooping is the memory and how when you try to sit down but you can’t lol).

    Also, you said that the bloods are gonna train with the 2 girls who sorta put em through a bunch of bullshit, i refuse to believe that none of the bloods or the elders or any of the actual victims hold any grudges.

    Finally, i read some of the comments and i want you to know that you should keep writing, don’t let people put you down. They only reason they’re even mad at you is cause the story is fucking good lol
    So all in all, keep doing you.

  4. I’m somewhat satisfied, but you should have made the punishment way longer and hurtful, I mean the MC was left to bleed out countless times in the dungeon for f***s sake. If you do a rewrite of this chapter please make the punishment better (as in more hurtful). Other than that keep up the good work 👍

  5. Well, I know you’re just starting out, again please don’t ever do anything like that betrayal again. In the next chapter, I would like to see some more serious psychological punishment in play next chapter, as others have said the resolution has a ton of room for improvement. It may do you good to enhance your punishment to appease your loyal readers. You can’t resolve such a serious betrayal so simply, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth seeing such a small punishment. You might want to revise this a bit, by again giving a more severe psychological punishment, like sending them back to the Val lands and leaving them out of any activities; strip them of their “noble” status in the Val tribe, threaten Leah and Lilith with a “I don’t want to go through with our Rites anymore” and exile Eleanor from the kingdom or something along those lines. Maybe try to improve your resolution, but overall I will let you know that I am going to continue reading this, because you have a great idea and a great plot just try to think more deeply about what you are doing with your fiction and it’s development when you think about doing something that may seem drastic.

    1. yeah, i was expecting something like that too, but i didn’t see it so i’m pretty disappointed and failed to see how those three will learn their lesson.

      1. the author is not afraid of betreyal on mc but can’t do punishment like this “You might want to revise this a bit, by again giving a more severe psychological punishment, like sending them back to the Val lands and leaving them out of any activities; strip them of their “noble” status in the Val tribe, threaten Leah and Lilith with a “I don’t want to go through with our Rites anymore” and exile Eleanor from the kingdom or something along those lines.”

        1. if the author just went dude the three already cried and went hysterical on mc, my answer is you went describe it but i don’t see it.

          1. Striping title and exiles are a lil too much because they will think the relation with the Mc is as good as gone and no chance ia left, and remember they are ‘fated’ so my choice would be:
            “You three destroyed the trust we had by pulling that kind of stunt, so in the future dont expect me to be so friendly towards you and if you are gonna pull something like this again without my knowledge….” glaring at them and letting some pressure “Dont ever think about getting close to me again”

            Something like that Exile can be way overboard because if its eleonor the pridefull bitch, she can turn to hatred mode and i hate those kind of routes…and their titles as nobles…well humilliation against them is kinda too much also, thats why engagement/rites/shattered trust can be kept at a more personal and safe level IMO.

            By the way i believe o forgot to write this but,
            BY ALL MEANS KEEP WRITING DONT START FROM SCRATCH.
            This is a good FF despite the second arc that i will label the dark side arc. But the initial plot was good there is still potential if you know how to not being so focused in the Plot sake mode. So give it what you got

  6. This was a shamelessly lazy resolution to this arc. Don’t write major plot twists if you don’t have the balls or motivation to wade through and properly resolve all the messiness that follows.

    The physical punishment is good as they now know that he is capable of physically harming them but putting those three in what basically amounts to time out after they chained him up and slit his throat for 4 months, forced one of his loved ones to harm him against her will (On a side note: Meriden is fiery and all about honor, her passiveness at this whole situation doesn’t fit her character at all and is a major oversight), and made the three loyal ones to watch him almost get killed right in front of them is far too simplistic even for how soft-hearted the MC is. This is a good story, don’t ruin it by taking too many liberties with the plot.

  7. This is dissapointing. You exactly did what I feared. Everythings allright after all they have done. No matter who, if you are left in a dungeon with your throat cut and bleeding for this long time you WILL go INSANE. Even if not, this is not how you should have resolved this. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Even if its for the greater good drastic measures will have its own drastic recoil. Doesn’t matter the reason. I still have a slight hope that you will rewrite the punishment. It was good run till now. I will not be reading from now on sorry.

  8. ……I’ve been seing some people saying that they “will no longer read tis” and stuff. You don’t have to mind me, but please don’t write these comments cuse I believe that it can be discouraging to the writer~

    (And I don’t want em to stop writing so I don’t get board 😈)

  9. @Demize fine what i said about the rites and exile is too much, but still, it’s just disappoints me how this chapter turned out, and just little physical punishment and then he just went “fine i forgive you guys but your not included in our group “FOR NOW” , i was like WTF!, what are you kids?,he didn’t even tried threatening them, he even make it so obvious that he’s willing to let them back at least have a backbone and try to resist a bit before accepting them but not enough to fully trust them again.

  10. Eh. If he could heal them anyways, he shouldn’t have held back. And like someone else said, make the “separation” indefinite, “until further notice”. But he already mentioned “I’ll eventually forgive you,” so eh…

  11. The author kept saying that the 3 girls is smart yet they forgot what zern’s reaction when the dragon girl is almost got raped by the slavers, yet they still went and agreed to set in motion and eleanor agreed to sacrifice herself to make a fucked up plan complete.
    do they not realize what zern’s going to do if that stupid plan of their’s managed to be successful making eleanor widow queen and shit so much for being smart but not very bright at all.
    i think zern could actually raze the whole kingdom to the ground, and they kept blamming zern for what happen yet if their plan succeeded, zern would not look at them the same anymore he will hate them more then he should, and i say he may not go with the remaining rites anymore if the plan succeeded.

    so my opinion the author should rewrite this chapter and make them realize what the consequences of their action because at thus rate they’re not going to leaern their lesson and their bound to repeat the same mistakes ,
    and also you should try to organize your idea’s more, don’t focus on releasing your chapter instead try to focus on how are you going to implement what you think in the story, how it going to turn out,think several case on what things going to happen like what if unknown circumstances appeared, what’s gonna happen now?

    anyway thanks you for reading my rant but this chapter really is not satisfying.

  12. How did the King know he was back?
    Because Lilith kidnapped Meriden and GAVE her to the king….
    So how can you put the blame on Zern?

    Why did they not inform him of the plan? just to at least not make him suffer mentally.

    Why was the punishment so pathetic?
    He healed them so why did he care about scaring?
    Why did he do a useless Physical punishment and not a good mental one LIKE THEY DID TO HIM?

    Why WHY did you insist on writing the “plan” so dark and drawn out and in detail, when your conclusion is this pathetic nonsense?
    At least have the balls to do a real conclusion that fits with the story, because you as the author wanted the plan to be this bad when there was lots of ways to make it good instead. So make a end that matches with the story you wrote.

    so all of the last chapters needs a rewrite to match the bad end, or the end needs to match the chapters.. now nothing fits and its all bad.

  13. I really really really want to say a bunch of curses but I feel like it wouldn’t be constructive so I’ll just give my opinion. What. The. F***. Seriously? That is what your going for huh… Wow. You didn’t even read the comments on the last chapter did you? There were a lot of good suggestions for how to go about this but I guess you just didn’t want to end this in a feasible way. Seriously? He was tortured and his oaths to the bloodborne betrayed and they put the f***ing blame on him saying that “He shouldn’t have done his job so quickly.” They didn’t warn him and they didn’t trust him and they came up with the most idiotic plan I have ever heard. Seriously? Consummate the marriage with the king and then kill him. They do remember what happened when Aedim almost got raped by those slavers right? How do they not realize that he would literally burn the entire kingdom to the ground if that plan went through and that he would never speak to those three again. How do they not realize that every plan they made was absolutely terrible and the only reason it ended up like this was they managed not to f*** up the end. AND THEY GET AWAY WITH 10 LASHES. That’s it. They each get hit 10 times and then he basically puts them on timeout. What. The. F***. *Breathe* Okay… Calming down. I really did enjoy this story. I truly did. It was fun and even when it went completely dark I still tried to hang on hoping it would be something plausible. And you didn’t even add the dialogue for when he was talking to them. I would have really liked to actually see him lashing out when he heard about the consummating marriage thing. It would of been a little pleasing to hear how pissed off he was… I am hoping that you will rewrite this chapter to make it better but I wont hold my breathe. I’m not going to stop reading but I want you to think long and hard about this because you really f***ed this up. You just pulled random shit out of nowhere to help with the plot. The punishment was unsatisfactory and the fact that he feels so bad about it that it probably wont even last a month is just sad. And the fact that apparently he even blames himself for coming back so soon when, if he didn’t he knows he would have done some truly terrible things as revenge. Please care about your readers more and please think about your chapters more. I know your an amateur writer but come on. Thank you for at least trying to get it out fast but please remember quality over quantity.

  14. Well this was nice, I see how some people reacted negatively, but I think this was good, this story to me is a feel good fantasy.
    So you shouldn’t go to hard on the physical punishment or sociological punishment and go on with the story as you intended.
    You are the author, you should consider the feedback negative or positive, but don’t change the original story too much.

    Ps. No matter what you do there will always be someone who doesn’t like it.
    pps. Love the story the good and the bad, and don’t try too hard to please everyone, because nothing is perfect

    1. And try to fix the loop hole. (how the king fond out he came back from the monster lands)
      or just say that he has his own spies.

        1. and i just checked RR he has gone to hiatus(probably not coming back) because some Fuckboys can’t be happy all they do is nag nag nag .

          why can’t you just drop the fiction without bashing the author, I hope your happy you FuckBoys now you just made the guy quit.

  15. as much as i want to say something, the others already more or less said it so only thing that i can say is that ,i really hope the author is actually reading the readers comments.

    1. also i wish as much as possible even though some says it’s good and others glad that this was over, many are still not satisfied, so i wish you can rewrite it and delete this on your wordpress or changed it before you re upload this on RR.
      cause it really pains me to this kind of development on one of my favorite FF, i wish you that you reconsider this chapter. thats all

  16. That was freaking absurd and weird ending. I don’t know if you taking a scenes where someone treated like a cattles and their throat get bloodied slit for months as a simple meaningless thing. And all those accumulation of horrible things just end up with a slaps on the ass and the MC blaming himself while doing it. Seriously, is this kinda mentality freak show or something? Is he had some serious psychological problems? It’s strayed too far from realistic.

    The worst thing is when the scene developed into some kind of masochistic ritual with a kids, with a fuckin KIDS!!! I’ve always had a suspicion that this novel had some kind of paedophile-mind wrapped with lolicon sweets, it was hidden but it still obvious. Just if you or any readers hadn’t noted, Zern was technically an adult and a very old one at that and the girls were barely 13 years old!!!

    But I keep it low since I thought the author want to add some dark flavours. But after reading those paedophile-masochistic scene and how the MC enjoy it and goes as far as take notes about it, how he sees those kids as some kind of prized belongings. I’m done, I’m really are done with this freak show. I’m too normal for that and I don’t think I had the mental capacity to gulped it down and felt nothing it.

    So bye bye, and thanks for the early chapters.

  17. Thank you for resolving that in a way that would make sense for the MC. So much haters though. He punished them as would a person who loves them. He wanted them to know that what they did was wrong. Any more than what he did would have been irreparable. It’s like a conditioning of a parent to a child.
    I lived when being whipped on the butt was a form of punishment for bad deeds and I would know how it made me feel. Whipping to punish, then to soothe the pain so that they would know that they’re still loved, and neglect so that their punishment would sink in so they’ll never do it again.

    Thank you for the chapter~~

  18. wow now i understand why people stopped with the story and this chapter is the one that ended the story
    wow
    i myself dont want to continue reading it hahaha
    i was so hyped yesterday and today and now i dont even want to read another sentence
    just some asswhipping really?you royally fucked up big time
    holy shit
    even if there was rape and some more extremely fucked up betrayal with elenor being pregnant or something i would be ok
    but that happy go lucky mc fucked up the story with this chapter
    he should had completely thrown them out of the harem for a long time like 20 chapters at least and they could had earned their way back after some years
    but damn that was horrible
    entire story until that point was awesome
    but it went from heaven to shit
    dayum
    i completely support every person that left the story after this chapter woah
    people who didnt wanted to continue to read after chapter 22 are people who dont want any hardship
    but this chapter fucked up
    betrayal after betrayal and his people getting hurt and much more for what?so his bitches have more power? and he just goes ohhh they cry i will forgive them
    fuck this
    wow you fucked up the story
    im gonna see how it goes for next chapters
    but if all that it just gonna be forgotten im pretty sure im done too
    and will try your next story (even the death of all the girls wouldnt had been so bad as this chapter,even letting 2-3 die and have 2 pregnant but this…)

    1. Well, it wasn’t just an ass whopping, it was lashing. I don’t know if you ever had been hit with lashes or whips, but those things hurt. They hurt like a bitch and were often used as a bad punishment for misdeeds.

      1. The mc has not only suffered physical abuse, he also went through tremendous mental and emotional torture. The punishment given does not reflect that. This I think is what annoyed a lot of people.

  19. Disappointing. After everything he had gone through, you’d think he would be more angry and hurt, but nothing of that sort was portrayed here. IMO you should just have made the mc treat the three girls coldly and then have them slowly get closer again over time. I think this would have shown that he still loves them but was too hurt with their betrayal (and the plan to have him ntr’d). And that ‘excluded FOR NOW’ honestly is a load bs. Sorry. I don’t think I’ll continue reading this but I will be looking forward to your other works :)

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