Scorn and Delight

Fuck! Matt knew that he died for sure. The bright flash and the darkness that followed were enough for him to come to that conclusion. His life ended in some bizarre scenario from some crazy movie. What led to his untimely demise?

Perhaps it was his crazy stalker ex-girlfriend, who couldn’t let go of him. They weren’t together for the last year, disregarding his words and restraining order placed against her. He could still see the sight of the girl he sent home after last night all beat up and covered in bruises and blood. His ex gone full blown psycho and tried to set fire to the house he was in.

Perhaps it was his crazy ex’s crazy ex. A good-for-nothing jock from someplace that followed her to his house. When he tried to get out with a bloodied girl in his arms, he got hit in the back of the head with something metallic, making him feel nauseated and very dizzy. That asshole was a good pair for a psycho, but he decided that a blow to the head was what she deserved after showing up at Matt’s house. Her skull was slightly weaker than his.

Perhaps it was the gas leak he just discovered and was about to call in. Now he was not sure if it was totally accidental. His ex may have planned it to be united with her fated in the afterlife, so going out in a blaze of gas-fueled explosion was as romantic as she could get. Or the meat-head wanted to make sure his competition was annihilated, but his plan somewhat backfired. Or it was a simple stroke of fate, that decided that Matt’s time was up and he needed to go. Fucking fate.

Or most importantly, it was Matt’s own stupidity and total disregard of cardinal rule of all male populace on planet earth – don’t stick your dick in crazy. He should have known something was up when she stuck to him the very moment he paid some attention to her and bought her a drink. Or the fact that she clung to him every day after that regardless of his or her need to work or go out. She was just so kinky, with all the nail-into-badk digging and biting and trying to suck his blood… Yeah probably the fact she was so much into vampires, she was sick after some of her role-playing went too far was a clear indicator of her psycho status.

Regardless of reason, he was now dead, floating in the endless void, waiting for something to happen. He truly he hoped to get into heaven, he was totally a good guy in his life, he treated people well and decent, and except for sin of fornication, his record was spotless. But it seemed he was sent to a purgatory, where he would need to reflect upon his behavior to be allowed to go on.

Disembodied Matt floated in the void for some more, until he decided to call out and admit his sins.

“Hey, God, I guess here is the part I apologize for my unruly behavior and not following the rules written in your book. So here it is. I, Matt Fullrow, acknowledge that I stuck my dick into women without being married to them.”

Matt paused for a little while. Perhaps swearing before the almighty was not a wise decision.

“Eh, sorry for my potty-mouth, what I meant to say was, I admit I committed sin of fornication and I will take any punishment that goes my way to earn to go beyond the pearly gates to your domain.”

Still nothing. Matt pondered for a moment on his predicament and a thought occurred to him. He wasn’t even a theist in his life, why would God want him up there with Jesus and Mozart? And why is he being so quiet?

“Hey, hello? Is anyone there?”

“Are you done, mortal?” – A soft voice rang in Matt’s ears, filling the entirety of the void around him.

“Huh?”

“I was expecting a different reaction, so I decided to entertain your train of thought in the matter of one true omnipotent and benevolent God you earthlings are holding on to so dearly. Most people outright panic or get right to the point. Internet truly ruined the surprise of rebirth for so many people.”

“Huh!?”

“You seem to be far less intelligent than I thought you were. Perhaps I should choose another to be my champion.”

“What? Champion? You don’t mean you are…”

“Yes, I am Aeliliern, Goddess of Unity, and I chose you to be my champion and to be reborn in another world to go on the adventure and save the world. Just like in one of those stories people read on the web.”

“…HUH!?”

“Oh me, you really are brain dead, aren’t you. What is so unbelievable, that you can say nothing? Is it the void? It’s totally the void isn’t it. To overwhelming for mortal to comprehend infinite empty space that doesn’t exist, yet encompasses all reality within itself…”

“Err… No I just had a little difficulty thinking about all the things I could have gotten away with throughout my life and still be in this position. There is no point to be a good guy if there is no God out there. Oh all the fun I could have had!”

“Huh?” Now it was the Goddess’ turn.

“And I had a difficulty decided if you were a girl or a guy. Your voice is soft yet deep, but it’s impossible to know if you are a woman with unusual voice or a very feminine guy.”

“Hey fuck you.”

“So what’s with the whole rebirth deal? Do I get some awesome powers, get the girls and kick ass?”

A silence hung in the vacuum for a little bit, as Goddess took a little while to compose herself after the blatant offense a simple mortal inflicted upon her, although it wasn’t the first time somebody said that to her…

“No, there are no special powers per se, I just give you a little spark of my divinity, granting you the status of the Champion of Unity.”

“And what does that entail? What are the benefits?”

“You will be able to unite forces that usually never mix under your control. In this case, forces of high heavens and eternal damnation.”

“Eh, so there is a struggle between heaven and hell? And what it my goal?”

“No mortal, both of those forces have perished and their remnants evolved eons ago. What you will unite are remnants of those races in the form of ancient artifacts. Everyone who have attempted to wield one, had been destroyed by the other. The assho… The masters of those artifacts despised each other so much that they eliminated any possibly for their greatest weapons to be wielded by anyone. That is perhaps the reason for their downfall.”

The Goddess stopped for a while, thinking that Matt would act dumb again and ask something stupid. He remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

“You will be given great power, but it will be limited due to the nature of the setup of where you will begin your journey. Your goal as well as the only way to become stronger is for you to gain followers towards my faith. The little bit of divinity within you makes you my avatar within that world, so you gain power as I would in any other realm, through prayer and faith of others. That divinity will help you overcome limitations and empower each side of you.”

“So, you want me to establish church in your name? Are there no Gods in that realm that could destroy me?”

“There are few minor deities, but they are too busy warring with one another over some petty conflict that no longer has any meaning. If that is allowed to go for much longer, the whole realm will be torn asunder and left a barren wasteland with no prospect for future life, while those little Godlings go on to some other world and continue their fight there. I want that world for myself, and you would do well to become embodiment of my faith there.”

Matt paused for a bit, trying to organize his thoughts. This whole thing, no matter how fantastic and impossible, kinda made sense. The Goddess presented him with a situation and explained enough to comprehend what will happen.

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